hidinginwinter's Xanga

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Wed, 21 Oct 2009 17:39:04 GMT

We know you've come for the people you love, but each day you take just a few too many. Friends and family, somewhere better off or better off somewhere else. Sink, sink, sink dear ship. We've spent so long on this expansive blue, we ought to see what lies at the bottom. All we can see from up here is faces we didn't ever take the time to know, staring back at us. There's no time left to witness, we should be acting.

Monday, June 15, 2009

Mon, 15 Jun 2009 19:18:48 GMT

This can't keep happening

love, respect and each moment I forget to breathe.

fragile seconds of time where I plan out my words

and abandon them

given to you, as a child to take care of

to raise to not resent it's parents

those brief moments of intamacy

challenged in our days

"A little less love, a little more common decency."

Thursday, April 30, 2009

Thu, 30 Apr 2009 04:27:53 GMT

you can keep covering yourself in ash all day
holding on to the places you've feared and holding them inside you
but it won't be too long until you look around
and realize that no one is holding you back any longer
and there's nothing standing in the way of you getting what you want

so don't be afraid. Just fucking do it.

- maybe I should take my own advice.

Thursday, April 09, 2009

Thu, 09 Apr 2009 16:10:54 GMT

I fear I've lost you, somewhere along the lines of me tearing my own life apart. I've been pulling at the seams for as long as I can remember, and you've never once turned away. You've seen me self destruct, you've been with me in my most intimate moments. I've carried your image, your words, and all the needless pain I've caused you each day that I wake up somewhere you're not. I took a picture last time, and it's still with me every day, staring back at me, your smile not knowing, or maybe not caring, what was going to happen. One day all of this will make sense, and I'll be able to rest without wondering who you're filling your time with. One day I'll be able to think that you're not wasting away years without me. But who am I to comment? I'm the one who's been calling all the shots, and you have every right to hate me, and hate how I've treated you, despite what my intentions are. There's no excuse for what I've done, and I should lose the right to call you a friend.

One day, I'll figure this all out, I swear. I just wish I was strong enough to do it today.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Tue, 10 Feb 2009 22:06:17 GMT

Dear, I fear you've settled
and I don't think you'll be forgotten.
It's just the shape, but not the content you need
but you can't see it
and it's not going to get any easier
and if you can feel it
ask if there somewhere you'd rather be

One day, you'll wake up alone, and you'll see
do you still love me?

Thursday, February 05, 2009

Thu, 05 Feb 2009 21:59:53 GMT

For we can always see and feel
much that the people and old photos and newsreels
could not:

that their clothing and automobiles were old-fashioned
that their landscape lacked skyscrapers and other contemporary buildings
that their world was black
and white
and haunting
and gone.

- Robert Rosenstone
"Visions of the Past"

Tuesday, February 03, 2009

Tue, 03 Feb 2009 22:10:55 GMT

everyday slips away
life becomes a soft hum
no reason your mind grows numb
you stop making love
going through the motions
tell me how come no one gets what they really want
and love only when its convenient
we act like we know more than we know than we know
we treat love like its something youre owed
that youre owed, owe owe owe...

yesterday
i thought i heard you say
who you think youre kidding
we are all pissing into the wind
wearing sheeps skin
hiding from the same things that i danced in
but no one gets what they really want
and love only when its convenient
we act like we know more than we know than we know
we treat love like its something youre owed

but maybe ive found you
maybe ive found something i love
maybe ive found you
maybe ive found something i love

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Tue, 13 Jan 2009 20:41:06 GMT

There's more than one way to build this up
from bruises and broken homes.
You're only good when you're tucking in your corners and curves
and it feels like I'm soaked to the bones.
there's no food in my diet anymore (Just pills and pills).
You left me this way when you left me this way

but I couldn't explain if you want me to
cause I speak only white noise
You look like summer and know what no one should

my body makes choices my heart couldn't do
such a shame, it's been a good life
I'd hate to see it go so soon and for so little

--These pills don't fucking do anything.

Thursday, January 01, 2009

Thu, 01 Jan 2009 01:27:14 GMT

You're hollow and weightless in my mind, theres nothing that can come close to keeping you grounded.
Yours is the only history that I can't shake, and it will rot me from the inside.
A poison, straight and dry as it hits my tongue. There's an anatomy to how we are together, there's a secret handshake in the stares we try to hide.

Please don't find me.

Friday, December 12, 2008

Fri, 12 Dec 2008 21:08:50 GMT

There's a man at the door trying to sell me the afterlife.

"Don't worry, if you bring the Lord our savior into your life, he won't abandon you. You can rid yourself of fears."

Somehow, I don't think any savior could free me from my fears. Here's someone who almost invariably came from some shitty background: drug abuse, poverty, sex and murder. They want to tell me how they found solace in their life choices and mistakes?

"Fuck you." I slammed the door on his faded and fake Italian shoes.

I wake up every day and have the same routine. I hit snooze twice, but never fall back asleep. My alarm is one of those ringtones that come already on your cellphone, a melody written by some music major who realized his degree wouldn't mean shit once he walked down that aisle and tossed his hat in the air. Probably got them laid a lot, though.

I brush my teeth an even number of times, front and back. Then I move to the tongue. Most of your bad breath comes from the back of your tongue, did you know that? I do.

Once that's over, I get out my facial cleanser, and put a dollop in my left hand, then lather it between both hands for approximately 3 seconds before applying it under my eyes, the bridge of my nose, cheeks, chin and forehead. That's what the instructions say, so that's how I do it.

Have you ever read the directions printed on some of the items you can find around your house? Keep track of how many vague words they use; approximately, about, around. Not a single one of those pitiful fucks writing could for anything short of a passive phrase when trying to explain their factory line cooked, freeze-dried meal in a bag. I wish I could have a job where I could be so uncertain.